Category Archives: Life

I have always been a bit of a drama Queen, though it has definitely improved with time, so I was prepared to be really out there once pregnant, totally emotional and irrational and unreasonable.  I’d heard all the stories from women who were normally level-headed that had turned into all the aforementioned things once pregnant.  Surprisingly, pregnancy has been nothing like what I expected.  I waited for the nausea and vomiting.  It never happened.  I waited for the tears and screaming, and they never came.  Happy, healthy, and solid, that’s me.

Until yesterday.

It was a long, tiring day.  Getting up early for church, cooking sticky sesame chicken legs for lunch, getting ready for our garage sale which is coming up way too soon, meeting Momma Donna to look at baby furniture, becoming overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude when she bought an entire set for us (my first case of emotional tears since becoming pregnant!), hauling it home, helping Dennis unload it, our evening church service, then snapping photos for this post before we lost our sunlight (my camera doesn’t take good indoor pictures and the flash washes everything out if I use it).  I felt drained as I looked at the pictures, and when I saw that in every single one my shirt was bunched up, creating a line along my lower belly, I lost it.  Like way lost it.  I turned into the pregnant woman from hell.

See, it looks like I have a belly button or a pointy baby foot poking out of my belly!

I screamed and yelled and made Dennis feel like the only worse thing he could have done besides not tell me that my shirt was unattractively bunched in all the pictures was kill our baby.  We went back outside to try again, but I was so mad I could not smile for the pictures.  I got mad all over again, realizing I’d eaten my lipstick off and forgotten to put my earrings back in.  I knew I was being ridiculous for being so angry about these superficial things, and hating myself for it made me even angrier.

Thankfully Dennis handled it well and I hope every pregnant woman has a partner as understanding as mine because otherwise, pregnancy might turn into the number one reason for divorce.

The yin to my yang, my laid-back wonderful fella. Still looking pretty trim at 20 weeks. :)

So we survived hissy fit number one, and I will do my best not to have another one until possibly childbirth, in which all bets are off.  I will hissy fit it up if it helps me get the baby out without killing someone!  In the meantime, please pray for my husband! lol

I’m such a dork. Somebody save me from myself.

And I just wanted to point out I’m half way through my pregnancy now! Wow, time is flying. I’m so glad we’re getting stuff out of here (garage sale-ing it up this weekend) to make room for Joshua, and already have his furniture to put in the room once it’s emptied.  *totally crazy amazing*  I’m ready to get my nesting on, even if it is a little early. :)  If you live in Wichita, I hope you’ll stop by if just to say hi! Email me for my address: vraklis (at) yahoo (dot) com.

Maybe a boy?

Maybe a girl?

Probably a human, right?

OK, you’ve been patient long enough.  Let’s open up one of those cupcakes and see what’s inside…

That’s right, folks!  It’s a boy!  So excited I could…

jump for joy! Stand on one leg!

I really am excited, guys.  Truthfully, it did take me some time to adjust, after wanting a girl for so long.  Yes, I felt that it was a boy from early on, and I wasn’t surprised to hear it confirmed, but it did take me some time to get over that longing for a girl.  I did feel some disappointment, but there was a moment even the first day after finding out when I had an overwhelming thankfulness fill my soul to be having not only a boy, but a healthy, perfect boy.  Because during the sonogram, every time she froze the screen to measure something or check things out, they were “great,” “perfect,” “normal,” and “right on track.”  That is truly all I ever wanted.  A healthy baby. *tears*

Two days later, I woke up and started talking to our baby, calling him by his name that we picked as our “boy favorite” before I was ever pregnant.  (I will tell you about his middle name soon too, which we’ve also picked.)  “Good morning, baby Joshua,” I said, rubbing my belly, and singing to him (he can hear now, you know!).  I haven’t felt any movement yet, but our baby was suddenly so much more real, knowing I have a little boy inside me.  And with that communication, I was connected and my happiness complete, with no disappointment left over.

I bought this frame from Family Christian (it’s available online here, and here for a pink one) and mailed it to my in-laws along with a letter to announce we’re having a boy.  I also got one for Dennis and he’s proudly displaying it on his desk at work now. :)

Everyone in Den’s immediate family that dared to guess, guessed boy (actually even his extended family guessed boy, except for one) and that’s what they wanted so they’re thrilled!  The Miller name lives on! :D  My sisters also guessed boy but they didn’t really care either way, they just guessed based on how I’m carrying (kinda low), but my Dad thought I was carrying high so he guessed girl.  (I warned him my upper roll of fat was throwing him off but he didn’t believe me-haha!)  He was the only one in our immediate families that was wrong, but he doesn’t care, he’s just happy our baby is doing so well!

OK, so I seem to remember promising to draw a name from those who guessed correctly and give them a prize.  You’re probably ready to hear who won!  There were 110 votes in all, 56 for boy, 54 for girl.  I think it’s so cool how split down the middle the votes were, almost like the ratio of boys to girls in the wold.  Neat!  Anyway,  the winner from the boy jar is…

Michelle Clark!  Come on dowwwwwwn.  Or just check your email and let me know which prize you’d like.  That would work too.

Speaking of coming on down, check me out reaching for my toes…

I can still touch them from the front, but barely!  When I do my toe nails I kinda have to bend my leg to the side, but it works. And I’m determined I will never not be able to do my toe nails.  They will be pretty to the end.  So there.

Thanks everyone for playing along – it was so fun to see all your guesses!

I really don’t have much to tell you as far as an update.  I’m made for pregnancy, apparently.  How ironic is that, when it took so long to get there? LOL!  I know pregnancy is killer for a lot of women, but it’s been a cake walk for me by comparison.  I’m very thankful for that and try not to take it for granted.

Aren’t you jealous of how perfectly we keep our lawn manicured?!

We will be finding out the gender of our baby this week!  What do you think we’re having?

I think boy.  I have always wanted a girl, ever since I was a little girl myself (probably has something to do with having a little sister six years younger than me that I already felt like was my own baby, so I feel more like I know what I’m doing when it comes to raising girls since I’ve been through it already), but am not expecting one at all. You guys will have to help me figure out what in the world I’m going to do with a boy if it really turns out to be one. LOL!  Guy stuff is like a foreign language to me, but I suppose I shall learn along the way if I have to. Dennis would prefer a boy for the same reasons I’d prefer a girl, because that’s what he is and what he knows.  So I suppose either way, there will be at least one parent that sort of knows what to do with our little cupcake.

Then again, you never know what you’re going to get with a child–every person is unique.  Knowing the sex tells you very little!  My friend, Suzie, wanted a boy because she likes to hunt and fish and thought that she would get along better with a boy and they could enjoy those things together.  She was blessed with a boy, but he doesn’t like to hunt or fish…he likes video games!  She said if she had a girl, she’d probably love to hunt and fish and have tattoo’s like her mama. LOL!  Chances are if I had a girl, she’d be an athlete and play the drums, and if I had a boy, he’d love to cook and sing with me.  You just never know.  I guess I need to take this one day at a time here and not freak out about the sex of our baby.  I’m just blessed and thankful to have one at all. :)

Pretending I remember something from my early ballet days…which ended 22 years ago. But look, I can almost pass for a non-pregnant fat woman in this pose – my belly almost went away! haha

Want to have some fun?  Cast your vote of boy or girl in the comments and I’ll draw a winner from those that guess correctly.* The winner can choose between a $20 Amazon gift certificate (this option is open internationally) Snickerdoodle Blondies, Chipotle Honey Roasted Peanuts, or my sister’s homemade soap bars for their prize (the quantity will be as much as I can fit in a small Priority mail box). Baby’s gender and the winner will be announced next Monday!

*I will also be drawing from votes put in by friends/family in person and on my personal Facebook page.

Can’t believe I’ve already got a round belly! It’s so weird.  I keep pointing at it and saying “Look!  I have a belly!” to Dennis.  I think I’m expecting him to be all amazed or something but he’s such a dude.  He looks at my belly and smiles and says, “Yeah, cool.” lol!  Honestly though, don’t go and make food babies before making real babies, cuz then you’ll just get super huge like I’m going to get by the end.  I’m so scared, you guys.  I’m not even half way yet and I already look pregnant. Terrifying.

In the photo I’m wearing a “Momma Donna” outfit.  She got me the shirt from Target (Liz Lange maternity), and we bought the cropped khaki’s at Gordman’s together for a steal.  They are Motherhood brand but I think they were only like $15 or something.  I was glad to find another cheaper place to find maternity wear–their selection is pretty good!

I really can’t wear regular pants any more, at least not in the sizes I own, and while some of my shirts still fit, I just look pot-bellied in them rather than pregnant.  I love wearing maternity clothes because they accent my belly and make it look round, not just fat. LOL!

I added a pregnancy countdown ticker to the top of my sidebar and you can see our baby is now the size of a mango, my favorite fruit!  So unreal how fast a baby grows.  The miracle of conception to birth is just way too amazing to wrap my head around.

I don’t have much to report, but did get a question last week about my blood sugar numbers so I thought I’d address that.  I’m doing fabulous with my diabetes, peeps!  I’ve been really pleased with it for the most part because before I got pregnant I averaged about 150 and I’m now averaging 113 (there’s the 13 again!).  I purposely kept my blood sugar a little high pre-pregnancy to avoid low blood sugar like the plague (hates it), but my focus changed to making sure I’m as normal as possible at all times (doctor set my goals at 90 pre-meals and 120 post-meals) for the sake of the baby’s health.  I now will take 1 more unit than I think I need with meals just to be on the lower side.  This means I do often get low, but I always have a “fix” (candy/juice/etc) with me to take care of it if necessary.

I went through some really, really bad low mornings that were so severe I was only semi-conscious upon waking, not even aware of what I was doing (thankfully I would always eat something and come out of it).  I wouldn’t really “get” what was wrong with me at first and would try to check my email but couldn’t read anything, and I would be hitting walls and stumbling around, then I’d “come to” with a sack of chips in my lap and peanut butter smears on my nose and cheek or some such other nastiness.  I still can’t eat chips after that morning I had like half a bag of baked potato chips while I was out of it – major aversion now! Not a bad thing. :)

Being so out of control of my own body and mind really sucked, not going to lie.  It’s really scary because I might have lost consciousness if I hadn’t finally eaten something, and Dennis wouldn’t have found me until many hours later (he goes into work 3 hours before me).  Dennis helped me on some mornings when he was aware I was low before he left, but I had to get a handle on the situation because it’s usually on me to be able to get out of bed and be a self-reliant individual since sleep is now precious and I sleep right through him leaving.  I’ve finally worked out the dosage on my Lantus (long-lasting insulin) to where my morning lows are about 75, which is a manageable number that does not render me brain-dead.  So that’s very good!

Being pregnant with diabetes does make it more challenging, but thankfully I’ve had a very easy pregnancy so far, and that helps balance things out.  God only gives you as much as you can handle, right? :)  Props to the stronger women who’ve had to deal with morning sickness AND diabetes at the same time.  I think I would have been hospitalized.  Much respect to those who’ve made it through with the dreaded morning sickness, whether facing diabetes or not!

Question for those who have been pregnant before: what did you crave and what gender was your baby?  I guess I’m just trying to see if there’s a connection and what it might mean for me.  Personally, I think I’m having a boy.  Aren’t you supposed to like sweets if you’re having a girl?  My love for sweets is about voided out, though I’m really enjoying fruit like I never have in my life.  I used to love veggies and tolerate fruit, but now I hate veg and adore the fruit.  I mostly enjoy salty & savory things now and my love for Taco Bell, though it went on hiatus for a month or so early on, is now back in full force and I have to get a fix a couple times a week (Beef Supreme Gorditas are my weakness!).  So let me know what you think.  I suppose I might just have to be patient and wait another two weeks for the sonogram-lol.

First of all, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your outpouring of congratulations and excitement for our little miracle.  I’m so glad there are people still checking my neglected blog and still care so much.  You guys are the sauce.

I meant to post this update yesterday but I had promised my favorite cookie baking group to have the Cookies in July sign-up form ready by Monday so that took precedence this time.  Hopefully from now on I’ll do a weekly pregnancy update on Mondays.  Maybe I’ll even get really crazy and start posting recipes again!

I haven’ t been taking weekly pictures like I meant to, but I did have Den take a photo of me at seven weeks in our perfectly manicured backyard.  Here, Cupcake was only the size of a blueberry, so I’m only sporting the “food baby” bump that I grew long before the real baby came along.

The first 13 weeks were just yucky.  I mean the way I felt physically.  I can’t think of a word to describe it other than “yuuuuuuuck” and exhausted.  I never got morning sickness or nausea so I really don’t have much to complain about, though!

Cupcake at 7 weeks, 3 days (click to enlarge)

I also never felt emotional–in fact I was the opposite.  I always thought if I got pregnant I would just break down into tears and never stop crying.  I cry when I’m really happy!  But no, the disbelief was so overwhelming that although I did cry a little, it was hard to believe it could really be true and I didn’t really allow myself to get too emotional about it.  As the truth settled in, all I felt was absolute joy.  That first month I was really prone to giggling–I was in such a great mood that everything made me laugh.

Cupcake 9 weeks, 3 days – what a difference two weeks makes! (click to enlarge)

I came down with a stomach virus during week 13 that my entire family got (except for Dennis), and after I got over that I seemed to also magically feel my old self again.  The illness coincided with me entering the second trimester, so I guess it was just the timing, as the second one is supposed to be the easy one when you feel the best through your pregnancy.  I never thought I’d feel good again until the baby came, so this is a huge relief!  By the way, please try this old Palestenian potato remedy next time you get a tummy flu or other tummy troubles–I now swear by it!! I took longer than anyone else to get over the virus, and this is finally what cured me, along with prayers from friends.

This is me at 15 weeks, and you’ll have to tune in tomorrow to find out what my crazy hat is all about.  If you’ve been reading for a while, I bet you recognize it (sans flowers).

Hey now, I haven’t gained any weight since that photo at 7 weeks so don’t be all “yeah, uh-huh, I see she grew her food baby a little bigger.” Cupcake, now the size of an orange, is just pushing food baby out a little further-lol.

The only thing I have to report right now is that I’ve been getting headaches, which is unusual for me so I’m sure it’s the pregnancy hormone headaches I’ve heard about.  The first one was killer, but since then they’re low-grade and manageable.  Today is the first day in several I have no headache at all-yay!

The last thing I have to share today is a video I started working on before I announced our good news, which tells our story in pictures to the song “Before The Morning,” by Josh Wilson.  This song often lifted me out of the infertility dumps during my darkest times and I hope you love it as much as I do.  The introduction was recorded as a sort of video diary in January, just two months before I got pregnant.  I had no idea if I would ever get pregnant, but I actually recorded it in hopes of being able to share it as part of our “happy ending” story some day.  Praise the Lord that I am able to now.