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A budding musician?

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Joshua may not be able to play the guitar or form words well enough to sing yet (not that he doesn’t try though, and it’s too cute!), but I think he’s doing pretty good with his musician impressions. I think he waits until he’s in the right outfit to break them out, too.

Here are the videos from the past month. I’ve been trying to keep them shorter so they’re easier to watch.

If you don’t like hearing babies cry, you might want to skip the first 45 seconds of this one, but the ending is so cute you have to see it. :)


We had a coupon

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I kind of hate coupons.  Coupons lead me buy things I normally wouldn’t buy, so although it seems like I’m saving money, I’m really just spending money I wouldn’t have spent if I didn’t have the coupon.  In the case of a photo coupon I printed out for Portrait Innovations, which was the opposite situation in that I did want to buy pictures and it was a very good deal, I was led to buy so many pictures, I have no idea what I’m going to do with them all and now we are broke.  But unlike when I use a coupon to buy a huge bag of chocolate, this was so worth it. :)  Enjoy the cause of our poverty.

Joshua’s been working on his Elvis lip since he was just a few weeks old.  He also just started to sing with us at church (and I kid you not, his coos were on key), so we may have a future “King” on our hands. ;)

“I don’t always wear hats, but when I do, women find me irresistible.”

“Your story’s all full of holes, Louis, and soon you will be too.”

“How you doin’?”

If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear he was a shameless flirt! ;)

Love his goofy grin.

Angel baby pose. :)

And just for fun, here’s one of the ultra-horrible ones.

Priceless. :)

Notes on Joshua: he was 14 weeks in these photos, now 15 weeks. Where does the time go?! He has his four month shots next Monday. Not looking forward to that. :( He is smiling more and more and I am waiting for giggles. He does little chuckles but I want full out laughter. I really suck at tummy time and pretty much only do it by putting him on his tummy on my chest while I’m leaning back on the couch because he fusses the least that way, but somehow he’s gaining strength in his neck and is able to hold his head up for quite a while despite my suckage.  I think he’ll be able to keep it up when the doc tests it next week (it’s cute, he holds him up over his head like a flying baby to see if he can keep his head up. He almost made it last month but dropped it after a few seconds). He’ll also get his bilirubin tested and I’m sure it’s normal by now, or it better be! Also, he hasn’t peed on me during a diaper change in at least a month – yay! :)  Also, it looks like his newborn eye color has turned to blue which took me by surprise as most everyone agreed his dark color looked like it would turn to brown. Yay for blue eyes like Daddy!  (And lashes like Momma’s) My little stud muffin. :)

Maximum Cuteness Level: attained

A few of his many faces :)

My Mom always said babies reach their maximum cuteness at three months because they’re still fairly small, but have had enough time to grow into their looks.  Joshua is almost three months now and it’s hard to imagine him getting any cuter, but it seems that he does get cuter every day.  I may or may not be outrageously biased, however. :)

Good news on his bilirubin (jaundice), it went down from 5 to 2.7 in just a week.  We did have an appointment yesterday but since it’s on the decline, the doctor wanted to wait until his four-month check up to test it again because it’s not even at a level that they would treat for.  He just wants to make sure it keeps going down.  Yay for not needing a specialist! You can see how clear his skin is in the photo below, and his eye whites are finally white!  He has just a bit of yellow left at his hairline.

This month he has definitely found his voice, and I included two videos at the end (the first and third one) where you get to hear it.  I feel like he’s finally a “real baby” as I call it – one that I can interact with and does real baby stuff like coo and smile and laugh.  I love it!

He’s not into toys yet, but does like to hold things and if I give him something soft, he seems to enjoy clutching it to himself.

One toy he does enjoy is his jungle gym from cousin Andrea.  He’s not purposely reaching up to hit the danglies, but he moves a lot while staring up at them and when he does hit the lowest one, he likes to watch the movement.  It’s amazing how staring up at three dangling things can be so enthralling – I’ve put him underneath it quite a lot and it just never gets old for him.  He also loves staring up at things we hang over the changing table – first a blankey with tags on it and now a sensory giraffe toy from Grandma Miller.  I keep thinking he’s going to start getting bored with the same old things, but I guess living in a world for only three months, everything every day would seem so new.

My favorite photos this month (both from last week):

Catch you soon with more recipes – I’ve now got quite a few to share and hope I have the time to do so soon!  Here are the videos from this last month if you care to watch.  Enjoy!

Joshua loves to jump, although you wouldn’t know it from his face, which is always so serious when he does it, but he gets so intense about it that I think he must enjoy it to do it so much once I hold him in position and we start. Anyway, my camera is dying on me and it’s really hard to capture a complete video and this is the worst video because it cut out all his really intense, good jumping, but you do get to see a few little jumps on it. :)

I quit

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Yep, I did it.  I resigned last Wednesday and I’m officially a stay-at-home Mom now!  I went back to work Tuesday and Wednesday to make enough to pay back some leave I took and hadn’t earned, and am so glad I did because it gave me the chance to say a lot of goodbyes.  And it was hard.  I was postal (lol) for almost ten years and although my work environment wasn’t conducive to forging friendships, somehow I managed to forge a few over those years and not seeing those faces every day makes me sad.  But staying home with my little dude makes me happier than I am sad not to be there. Joshua wins!  I’m so happy, and so fulfilled.

Joshua is nine weeks old now and it’s hard to believe.  Time is flying!  He’s getting bigger all the time and has outgrown all the stuff he was wearing the first month.  He’s now 12 lbs and 22 3/4″ – up almost 3 lbs and 3 inches since his one month check up.  He had to get his shots which was awful, and he also had to have blood drawn (also awful) to check his bilirubin since he’s still a bit yellow. It’s still a bit elevated (5 and they want it at 1 or less) so he’ll have to see a specialist if it’s not lower by Friday.  It was nice and warm this last weekend so we took him our for a sunshiney stroll both days.  I’m really hoping we won’t have to go to a specialist about his jaundice.  I just want that over with and behind us! Jaundice be gone!

The biggest update is that Joshua now really smiles!  OK, not frequently, just randomly, but finally he’s given me a few non-gas-related smiles.  The last video has smiles in it, unfortunately they are gas related as you will see and hear (lol) at the end, but he does smile like this without being gassy and it’s awesome.  I even got my first giggle yesterday. Be still my heart!

And here are the latest videos.  Sorry for the random and spaced out postings – I guess I’m not quite up to getting on a regular blogging schedule yet.  But I’m at least cooking and baking again so I have some more recipes to share as soon as I can! :)

I thought my boob was my baby

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People have asked if I’ve had any postpartum craziness.  Well, yes, but I don’t think it’s the usual kind.  I didn’t have any depression or blues, though I was more prone to tears the first couple weeks (especially with our little guy back in the hospital – that made me cry a lot!), and I didn’t get too crazy, but I did think my boob was my baby at one point. Yup.

For some reason almost every night for the first month, I would wake up thinking Joshua was in bed with us, and then I couldn’t find him and would wake Dennis up in my search for him.  He has slept in his crib from day one so I have no idea why this kept happening.  Sometimes I’d wake up thinking I was holding him and would be cradling my boob, thinking it was his head.  For reals.  Sometimes I’d wake up and stare at the back of Dennis’ head and stroke it, thinking he was Joshua.  (I think this is partially justified since they both have old man hair that gets totally crazy when they sleep on it.)  Sometimes I’d stroke his hand and wonder how our baby’s hands could have gotten so big, so fast.

I’m pretty sure this is kinda normal.  Normal for postpartum women, I mean.  It’s not normal to think your boob is a baby, but I think getting kinda crazy after a baby is normal.  My sister seriously believed she had two babies and someone had kidnapped the other one.  And she didn’t think this in a sleepy haze, this was a fully conscious conviction, despite having birthed and left the hospital with a single baby.  Dennis told me a man at the Boot Camp for New Dads told the men about his wife’s postpartum depression, and how one day she was convinced she had dropped her baby off at daycare and when she went to pick her up, they said she never did.  She had a full out meltdown yelling at them that they were trying to take her baby and when she finally got back home, she found her baby in her crib.  So yeah, those whacko hormones can really do a number on your head!

What about you?  Any crazy or scary postpartum stories to share?

Joshua at 6 weeks: Great-Grandpa’s Little Doppelganger

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On Wednesday, my parents came over and I showed them this picture I had of Grandpa Millner (yes, my Mom’s maiden name is Millner and I married a Miller – freaky!) as a baby in 1930 and they both agreed that Joshua bore a remarkable resemblance to his Great-Grandpa.  I couldn’t find the perfect picture to show how similar they are because it’s more something you can see in person so just watch the videos (esp the last one) I included at the end to get the full effect  :)

Joshua, 6 weeks 4 days old

I looked at the back and it said he was 6 weeks, 4 days old when it was taken, which is exactly how old Joshua was that day I showed them the photo. Kinda creepy/cool!  Also very bittersweet that Grandpa passed almost exactly a month before his little doppelganger was conceived, but also cool that because of his passing, he helped Joshua come to be (check out this post for the explanation if you missed it).

Joshua and Daddy 12/30/13

Joshua is growing up so fast already! He’s graduated to size 1 diapers, which are for babies 10-14 lbs. I’m guessing he’s about 10 pounds right now.  He can lift his head and his legs at the same time while on his tummy (need to catch this on video!) doing a sort of “plank” lol. He no longer cries while getting his diaper changed, and can even endure a few minutes of bath time before he starts crying. I love this!

Joshua 1/4/14

He’s so cute during diaper changes – he seems so happy and he grunts/snorts the whole time because he knows he’s going to be fed afterward and he makes little piggy sounds.  Need to catch this on video too, but for now, here’s the videos I do have. :)

Joshua 1/5/14

Joshua and Mommy 1/5/14

Oh my gosh, I just ran across this photo of my Dad holding me as a baby in another blog post, and now I finally see myself in Joshua! I’ve never really thought he looked like me until now. He looks so much like me in this pic! :)

Baybay videos

I so miss blogging, and am going to try to ease my way back into it.  I was calculating the time I spend doing my new job and I have spent up to 16 hours in a day just pumping and feeding him (we can’t do direct breast feeding solely yet – long story) so it’s no wonder that the only thing I seem to get done besides the part of life that revolves around my boobs is the dishes and the laundry and the dinner.  But another reason my free time has been lacking is that I keep taking videos of him and then I watch those videos (over and over and over) while he’s sleeping, when I could be doing something more productive.  I think I need a baby intervention. I’m so in love with him!

So here are the videos I’ve taken so far.  I’ve already shared the video of him at one week here, so these start at two weeks.  I know it’s a lot of videos (seriously – intervention needed!) so if you just want to see the shortest and most entertaining one and what he looks like currently, watch the last one – I love watching my husband taking care of his son.  :)

Merry Christmas!

This year, God gave us a son, the second greatest gift we have received, with his own son being the greatest.  Having a son of my own has given me an even deeper appreciation for Christ’s birth, life, and sacrifice.  Watching Joshua while he sleeps, it’s hard to imagine sending him to die for a world of sinful people so that they could be saved.  How that must have broken God’s heart, and how it breaks mine without even having witnessed it or having to do it.  It’s amazing that God loves us that much.  Perhaps even more than I love my little boy, which is hard to imagine.

Although I don’t recognize Christmas as the day of Christ’s birth since, well, he wasn’t born on December 25th, I do celebrate it secularly and I’m hugely thankful for my Christmas gift this year.  I have so much to tell you guys about Joshua’s first month, but for now I want to wish you a very happy holiday and hope that your heart is filled with love and joy and your time is spent with family and friends.  May God bless you in the coming year!


Joshua’s First Week

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I wanted to post this Monday to replace my weekly pregnancy updates, but…yeah.  First time Mom who got four hours sleep the first week after her son was born…I think you understand.  And thank you to those whose blogs I’ve neglected and who continue to visit mine – I will return as soon as I get a routine established that allows a bit of time for blog reading.

Joshua’s first week was such an emotional roller coaster.  My water broke two weeks , two days early and after the initial shock wore off, it’s been huge highs and huge lows.

As I was falling deeper and deeper in love with this new little man in my life, he was getting sicker and sicker without me realizing it.  Joshua was not doing well with breast feeding and was losing weight so I went into the lactation clinic across from Wesley, which was free for me since I delivered there.  The  nurses were alarmed at his glow worm coloring (we knew he had jaundice but couldn’t tell how bad until we were outside our home with different lighting).  When they weighed him he had lost a pound and an ounce in the four days since his birth, which was another red flag that our little boy was not doing well at all.

We went immediately to our doctor to get his bilirubin tested and it came back at 33, which is critically high.  We had to return to the hospital and admit our precious newborn to the NICU, and they told us he may have to have his blood replaced several times if they couldn’t lower his level quickly.  I was devastated and assumed responsibility since he might not have gotten to this point if I had been willing to supplement with formula.  I thought I had been doing what was best for him, and almost killed him instead.

The NICU isn’t set up for parents to stay there, unless you want to sit in a chair all night, and it was so awful to leave our son after only having him for four days.  He received the best of care, but that didn’t help the longing in my heart to have him home.

After two days under UV lights, we finally got to hold him again when his bilirubin was low enough and the lights were removed.  Saturday night we got to move into a family room with him and it was pure bliss having our baby with us again, even if it wasn’t at home.  And Sunday we got to take home a much fatter and healthier baby!  I took this video at the hospital while Dennis was gone to take Jessie for a walk.

I wasn’t the typical weepy pregnant woman, but I’ve made up for it in spades this week.  Even though my tears have been mostly justified, I cry at anything that makes me happy or upset in any way.  Now I know how my Dad feels – after his stroke, everything makes him cry.

But now that we have our little one home, what makes me cry the most is how wonderful my husband has been.  He has changed so much since Joshua was born.  I didn’t think he could improve, because he was as close to perfect in my book than anyone has a right to be, but he’s become even more perfect than I could have imagined.  He has been my rock, always leading us to prayer during the hard times last week, holding and comforting me when I had to cry sob, and loving our son so much it hurts me in a good way.  I didn’t know how he would be after having a kid he took 45 years to feel ready for, and I have to say he’s surprised me in the best way.

He was beside me during the delivery, pushing one of my legs back (knee towards my head) while a nurse did the other with every contraction, giving me leverage to push against.  He said it was amazing to watch another human come out of me and it just makes me weep to think about how he talks about our son with pride, describing how cute he is when he did something, etc.  Dennis never thought any other kid was cute, so this is a huge deal.  He actually loves to hold him!  I know that seems like it would be a given, but this seems very profound for a guy who has only held babies a couple times in his life (his nephews, and probably because Joan made him – lol).  He even thanked me for Joshua, because if it weren’t for me, he never would have had children, and now he’s so glad I changed his mind over the years.  I can’t tell you how happy this makes me.

Yesterday was a big day for me, because it was my first day alone with Joshua.  Dennis, the baby-whisperer who I have totally relied on as a partner in figuring out parenthood, had to return to work because he’s already a week behind for his supervisor training.  I was so nervous.  I have been feeling really inadequate and inept as a mother, and this also left me in tears, but I prayed to God through them Sunday night as I fed Joshua, asking for help as I faced motherhood alone.

Well, I only had to be alone at home, because God sent me Mom to go to Joshua’s doctor appointment with me and to mail a package, and Dennis took part of his lunch to meet me at the lactation clinic (and no, I didn’t ask him to.  He has been so supportive of me trying to breast feed, and supportive of our family in general, I just have to cry!).  Everything went so smoothly, it helped boost my confidence immensely, especially how well it went at home without my rock.  (Although of course I was leaning on God, an even bigger rock than my husband.)  Joshua ate and slept well, and I managed to get the dishes and several loads of laundry done.  I’m gaining ground! :)

Maybe I won’t be so terrible at this motherhood thing after all.

Thankful Thursday #121: happy Thanksgiving!

Happy thanksgiving! I hope you’re enjoying your holiday with family and/or friends and that there’s lots of delicious food in your future.

Since time is scarce these days, I have a short and sweet Thankful Thursday today.  Something special happened on Tuesday – all my Moms showed up at our house at the same time without even planning it!  Phyllis came to spend a couple days with us and help around the house, bless her, Momma Donna stopped in on her way to work to meet her newest “grand-baby”, and my own mother, who just arrived in Wichita on Saturday and just in time to meet baby Joshua, came over to spend some more time with him (she also came to the hospital.  And for the record, the excitement finally kicked in – she is so in love with him! So happy for that. :) )And the craziest thing is, even my foodie Mama joined us from California without knowing it, calling me to congratulate me on Joshua’s birth.  I’ve said it before, but God has such great timing.  How wonderful for him to orchestrate this special day. :)

I know you’d have rather seen Joshua than the nursing cover over my chest, but I wasn’t about to break his latch when we’ve been working on it so hard.  And you’re welcome for me not flashing my boob! lol

Happy thanksgiving! May you find many things to be thankful for this year.

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