I know you’re all dying to know the cookies giveaway winners, so go check it out and I’ll see you back here soon.
Grace (definition taken from Wikipedia): something that is God-given, made possible only by Jesus Christ and none other. It is God’s gift of salvation granted to sinners for their salvation. Common Christian teaching is that grace is unmerited mercy (favor) that God gave to humanity by sending his son to die on a cross, thus delivering eternal salvation. However, this definition alone may not cover all uses of the term in scripture. (You can read more by clicking the Wikepedia link if you wish.)
Lately I’ve been going back and forth between my childless grief and smacking myself upside the head (figuratively speaking) for being such a little “it’s so unfaaaair!” baby. News flash to self: life here on Earth isn’t. fair.
We aren’t guaranteed anything in this life except our ultimate death, and there is so much suffering going on, beyond what I could even imagine. This is a fallen world, a sinful world, and I’m a sinner along with every one else. But by God’s incredible grace, I was offered, we all have been offered, salvation through the blood of his son. By Christ’s sacrifice.
God never promised me a child. But he offered me something even more precious. Salvation. I accepted that gift four years ago when I believed, confessed Jesus as my savior and was baptized. And I try to be worthy of that gift today and follow his Word, though I do fall short many times. I never realized until recently that I’d been taking that gift for granted, just like so many daily blessings I overlook.
I’m always thankful that God sent his son to die for my sins, grieved that he had to, but incredibly thankful that he loved me so much. But over time I kind of lost sight of the forest for the swarm of bees chasing me-lol. I think that’s easy to do when you are suffering, and we need to be careful of that. I need to be careful of that.
I’m trying not to share my suffering with you too much because it’s not who I am. I don’t focus on the negative and I truly am happy 90% of the time. But today, with this particular post focused on what it is, I do want to tell you that yes, I do suffer monthly when that witch Aunt Flo comes to visit. Unless you’ve been through the trial of infertility yourself, you just can’t know how much it hurts to see that red come every month, when every month you’re just so sure that she’s going to be in hibernation for nine months.
But I’ve had to give myself some tough love through this pain lately. “God has already given you the ultimate gift, Veronica. Isn’t He enough for you?” Even when Paul, who did such wonderful work in God’s kingdom, asked for the thorn to be removed from his flesh which tormented him, God told him, “My grace is sufficient for you.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) Yes, it is, and you’d better get over yourself, Miss Thang, because you already have what you need.
And it’s true. God is enough for me. At one time, I will admit that He wasn’t, that all that mattered was what I wanted. But as I’ve continued to grow as a Christian, I can now say that yes, his grace is not only sufficient for me, IT IS ALL I NEED.
Does it make me hurt inside to tell you that? More than you could know. While I have more than I ever could hope to deserve, that will never take the sting away from not having a child. *sigh* I guess we all are guilty of wanting our cake and eating it too. But that sting also does not lessen the wonderful joy I find in God’s grace and the wonderful blessings he has seen fit to give me, especially my husband. Speaking of more than enough! :)
Will it still hurt every month when Aunt Flo knocks at the door and barges her way in despite my protests? Oh yes, it will hurt. Guess what, Veronica, you’re not the only one who grieves a loss today. At least you have a husband who you adore and feels the same about you–how many people are still waiting for that kind of magic in their lives? How many are in terrible relationships? Or how many are dying painful deaths??? You can cry today, but while you’re doing that, you’d better pray to God and praise him for his grace, for his wonderful love, and how He has showered your life with abundant blessings. Don’t you dare forget any of that.
So hear I am, with Aunt Flo getting ready to tear down the door. And yes, I really thought she was in hibernation for the hundredth time. Oh, how I can fool myself! It only seems to get harder with time, most likely because we’re running out of it. And I thank God for his grace, for while I may not have everything in this life that I want, I know that in my next life with Him, there will be no more tears. Only joy.
Veronica's Cornucopia 
I, too, have suffered empty arms for 8 years trying to get pregnant. We found our child through adoption and have had a wonderful and fulfilling life with our son who, grew in my heart, not my womb. There is a wonderful agency of Christians, known as Sacred Selections, started by a couple of Christians in California who are stanch supports of Florida College in Temple Terrrace, FL. Teri and Jerry probably are aware of them and can give you more information…..
God bless you!
Karen @ Florida College
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Thank you for sharing, Karen, I find comfort in those who have been through similar trials. :) Also thank you for the information. Right now we are still seeking to conceive naturally but adoption (I was actually thinking of foster care, though adoption would be nice if we could afford it) will be our next step if we are unable to even with the supplements.
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BEAUTIFUL. Tears for you… hugs for you… happy to see that God has filled you with ultimate peace, even while suffering through these trials. I just want to be that cheerleader on the sidelines yelling, “You are doing great! This not having the kids you wish for is HARD but God has a tight grip and He will give you the strength again and again!”
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Yes, praise be to God. I would never make it through a day without Him and don’t’ know how so many do. THank you for being my cheerleader sweetie! :) Indeed, He always gives me the strength I need, he is awesome.
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Praying for you as you suffer disappointment, my friend. I know nothing I can say will make it easier, but I trust the Spirit will do his work of comfort in your heart. (and I’m still praying that God will do a miracle and Aunt Flo will go on a lengthy vacation)
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Thank you Jenna, indeed He has and I was in total peace when I woke up after writing this the night before. And in such a wonderful mood. God is so good. And thank you for the prayers! :)
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I haven’t had your problems V, but I can give you some virtual hugs! I did know a couple who tried for years to get pregnant, they finally gave in to adoption and when their adopted baby was 1 month old, they got pregnant with twins – the now have 3 boys who are 14 now!
HUGS!
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Thank you Biz. And thank you for that story, I love the stories like that that people share, I find them so encouraging.
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Oh how it warmed me to read this lovely post! I’ve always loved the thought…IS IT ANY WONDER THEY CALL IT AMAZING! GRACE? His grace is sufficient for the day. I’m so sorry for your sadness, but I know without a doubt, that God has a plan for you. HIS thoughts are not our thoughts…I’m excited to see all that enfolds in your life as you continue to trust Him for HIS AMAZING grace in your life. I must find time to share our own story with you – via email – soon. Sending big hugs for your heart today. XO
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Amazing indeed! Just…amazing. It is humbling to face that I might not understand why we’re facing this trial until we meet Him in heaven, but He is the potter and we are the clay. I’m looking forward to your email. :)
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I think it takes a lot of strength and courage to share your story with the internets! “Your Grace is Enough” by Chris Tomlin is one of my favorite songs. You are covered in His love. :)
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In some ways it does take strength/courage, but I can tell you it’s a lot easier to tell thousands on my blog than to say anything about it to friends in private. I would break down and not be able to talk-lol! I will have to find that song on Youtube, thanks.
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There is a reason, but it is God’s reason why you are going through this. Just keep your eyes to God, his will will be done, in His time, in His way. Here is a little story that may help you: There was a man in his house, there was flooding all around him, his house was filling up quickly with water. Twice a rescue boat came by his house and tried to take him to safety. Each time he said God will provide and refused the help. Sadly the man drowned and went to heaven. While there he asked God why he wasn’t there for him. God answered “I was there for you, I sent rescue boats to help you”. God is there for us, we just sometimes don’t see it as that because we are concentrating on what we want versus we we need. We are surrounded by God’s love every day. Hugs to you and thank you for sharing. I wish you well. May God be with you.
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I love that story, thank you.
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My love goes out to you my friend though your faith is incredible while going through this trial – I am very happy you have god with you.
Hugs
Uru
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I feel for you V, you know I do we talk often enough I think you know that. It’s hard to read this because everyone wants to help and there isn’t anything people can do. It’s perfectly fine to have feelings too, everyone has them and we all know “there are worse things”, we know that but, we still have feelings. Nothing wrong with that. As always, I will keep you in my prayers…xoxo
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I so wish my pain wasn’t yours as well but I know it’s because you love me. But please see the happiness I feel along with the pain, for it’s even greater and it’s the only reason I can not only make it through, but have joy almost every day in spite of our trials. I’m truly happy, I promise. :) To God be the glory for his wonderful love.
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Many hugs to you, I have not experienced this but cannot imagine it every month. This was a great and humbling post.
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Thank you Rhonda. <3
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What an awesome God we have, and what an awesome lady you are. I have walked where you are now, and what He put in my mind I want to share with you. One year during the Christmas season, I was listening to our pastor talk of Mary, and her path of carrying the Messiah. I thought, “Wow…how must it have FELT, not only being pregnant, but knowing that you are carrying the Christ child!?!”, when, in a split second, I heard, “You, TOO, carry Christ, Mary. And you, TOO, will have children to teach and love and care for, BECAUSE you carry Him within you – but they will be My children, not yours. I will put them in your life when it is a needed time for both you and them.” Although it still hurts that I have no children of my own, I rejoice at the many, many people He has sent to me in time of need, and He has given me the words they need to hear, or has helped me so the things they needed to have done in their lives at that time….I have been a “mother” to them “for such a time as this”. I pray your heart’s desires come to you, but I hope this helps in the meantime!
~Mary Sue
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Mary I have wondered sometimes if indeed the children I will have in my life are not children of my womb, but those who need my help. Right now I’m a mother to my own parents….and I can’t help but smile as I wonder what other “children” God might put in my life. I hope they’re not ALL old people. haha!
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This is SUCH a lovely post, V. You and Suzie are two of the strongest women I know in the blogisphere and have my utmost respect. Keep on, keepin’ on!!! =)
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Thanks Miss Squish. :)
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this is so full of truth…i love it! not because of your struggles but because of the influence it has. i know nothing people can do will make it better but praying & knowing that GOD will, in His time & in His ways. have a lovely day!
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Thanks Sarah, I loved your comment!
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Sending you hugs and prayers! It isn’t easy to face that month after month. I just don’t have the words to express how sorry I am.
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Thank you, Tami, I appreciate your empathy.
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Dear Veronica, what curious or special I come to your blog again just today, I understand you perfectly but you are in good hands, in God Hands. Anyway is difficult tp ud understand what is his plan to us. But He has one Im sure.
About many years I cant have babies, and all moths were difficult normally I was quiet but all people ask you (you know)really hurt. Well finally Ok is all not more doctors I will wait what God want for me and is OK.
One day my hubby arrive to home and ask “Maybe you would like have twins??” twins I said, of course not is too much LOL
(At these time I was open and hubby to to adopt) anyway after pray A LOT really A LOT we decide try the adoption of a twins will be born soon (the mom dont cant have them)
Gerardo and maría Esperanza arrive home about of 3 days born, you can imagine I was crazy LOL but God and friends and my Mom support me in these first time, they have now 18 years (yes the time go so faST) AND ARE THE BEST THING I have I think.:)
ANyway how all kids we had porblems sometimes, but not about adoption we always said the true.
Dear only I talk you about this to say that God have something for you and all the roads are different.
I will pray for you especially and i sent you a big hug! blessings
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What a beautiful story, I’m so happy you were able to adopt twins! That is amazing. Thank you for sharing, I love the stories people share with me!
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If are something you dont understand you can ask nme English is my second languaje:)
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I understood it all, I’m good at “interpreting” lol.
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Yes, we all need to stop and realize that God is all we need and he has done more for us than we deserve. That’s easy to say, hard to remember, hard to do sometimes. But Christians are suppose to hold up one another and remind each other of these things. This was a great post.
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Thank you, honey. <3
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Im sending prayers your way, and hugs too. =)
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