I know you’re all dying to know the cookies giveaway winners, so go check it out and I’ll see you back here soon.
Grace (definition taken from Wikipedia): something that is God-given, made possible only by Jesus Christ and none other. It is God’s gift of salvation granted to sinners for their salvation. Common Christian teaching is that grace is unmerited mercy (favor) that God gave to humanity by sending his son to die on a cross, thus delivering eternal salvation. However, this definition alone may not cover all uses of the term in scripture. (You can read more by clicking the Wikepedia link if you wish.)
Lately I’ve been going back and forth between my childless grief and smacking myself upside the head (figuratively speaking) for being such a little “it’s so unfaaaair!” baby. News flash to self: life here on Earth isn’t. fair.
We aren’t guaranteed anything in this life except our ultimate death, and there is so much suffering going on, beyond what I could even imagine. This is a fallen world, a sinful world, and I’m a sinner along with every one else. But by God’s incredible grace, I was offered, we all have been offered, salvation through the blood of his son. By Christ’s sacrifice.
God never promised me a child. But he offered me something even more precious. Salvation. I accepted that gift four years ago when I believed, confessed Jesus as my savior and was baptized. And I try to be worthy of that gift today and follow his Word, though I do fall short many times. I never realized until recently that I’d been taking that gift for granted, just like so many daily blessings I overlook.
I’m always thankful that God sent his son to die for my sins, grieved that he had to, but incredibly thankful that he loved me so much. But over time I kind of lost sight of the forest for the swarm of bees chasing me-lol. I think that’s easy to do when you are suffering, and we need to be careful of that. I need to be careful of that.
I’m trying not to share my suffering with you too much because it’s not who I am. I don’t focus on the negative and I truly am happy 90% of the time. But today, with this particular post focused on what it is, I do want to tell you that yes, I do suffer monthly when that witch Aunt Flo comes to visit. Unless you’ve been through the trial of infertility yourself, you just can’t know how much it hurts to see that red come every month, when every month you’re just so sure that she’s going to be in hibernation for nine months.
But I’ve had to give myself some tough love through this pain lately. “God has already given you the ultimate gift, Veronica. Isn’t He enough for you?” Even when Paul, who did such wonderful work in God’s kingdom, asked for the thorn to be removed from his flesh which tormented him, God told him, “My grace is sufficient for you.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) Yes, it is, and you’d better get over yourself, Miss Thang, because you already have what you need.
And it’s true. God is enough for me. At one time, I will admit that He wasn’t, that all that mattered was what I wanted. But as I’ve continued to grow as a Christian, I can now say that yes, his grace is not only sufficient for me, IT IS ALL I NEED.
Does it make me hurt inside to tell you that? More than you could know. While I have more than I ever could hope to deserve, that will never take the sting away from not having a child. *sigh* I guess we all are guilty of wanting our cake and eating it too. But that sting also does not lessen the wonderful joy I find in God’s grace and the wonderful blessings he has seen fit to give me, especially my husband. Speaking of more than enough! :)
Will it still hurt every month when Aunt Flo knocks at the door and barges her way in despite my protests? Oh yes, it will hurt. Guess what, Veronica, you’re not the only one who grieves a loss today. At least you have a husband who you adore and feels the same about you–how many people are still waiting for that kind of magic in their lives? How many are in terrible relationships? Or how many are dying painful deaths??? You can cry today, but while you’re doing that, you’d better pray to God and praise him for his grace, for his wonderful love, and how He has showered your life with abundant blessings. Don’t you dare forget any of that.
So hear I am, with Aunt Flo getting ready to tear down the door. And yes, I really thought she was in hibernation for the hundredth time. Oh, how I can fool myself! It only seems to get harder with time, most likely because we’re running out of it. And I thank God for his grace, for while I may not have everything in this life that I want, I know that in my next life with Him, there will be no more tears. Only joy.