Our Memory Jar, filled with paper memories from 2012. The pictures included in this post are all things found within the jar.
Despite not doing a recipes “best of” to recap for 2012, I am a little introspective on the year. In one way, it was a hard year. Really hard. In all other ways, it was great. When I think back on this year, all I feel is happy, so I’m thankful for that. But I’m also thankful for a fresh start.
Regular readers know that 2012 was the year we really tried to have a baby–and I mean gave it our all. And did not succeed. We finally got ourselves checked out after eight years of casually trying and nearly a year of gung-ho trying (you know, with all the charting and timing and hooplah), and the urologist said it is “very unlikely” that we will ever have a baby together naturally. That was really tough to hear.
Right now our future is uncertain as far as children are concerned. We are doing what we can, including praying and taking natural supplements (there’s nothing doctors can do to help besides IVF, which we are not interested in), but our window of opportunity is fairly well shut. Haus is on the older side to become a first-time Dad (45) and knowing what it’s like for a child to be raised by older parents (my Dad was a surprise, born to my grandparents when they were in their late 40s) and how it can make them constantly afraid that their parents will die while they are still growing up, I feel it’s not right to keep trying. And yet it’s also something hard for me to give up.
I have been thinking about fostering to adopt for almost as long as we’ve been trying, and while this is something Dennis and I will have to decided between us, it is definitely one avenue of opportunity for us to raise a child if we do not have one of our own. I am finding it terribly hard to totally give up on the hope of having one of our own right now, so I don’t think 2013 will be the year for us to go into the foster program. 2013 is more likely going to be a year of transition into parenthood, Lord willing, one way or another.
Anyway, besides the trial of trying to conceive and month after month of disappointment, and the weight gain brought on by my emotional eating, this has been a wonderful year. While the photos in this post are showing our paper memories, there were many more wonderful memories made that you won’t find on paper. Lots of laughter, lots of hugs and kisses, lots of celebrations, long walks & talks, lots of love. We are happy, we are healthy, and I am thankful.
While I do yearn for children, I’m also desperately thankful for the “alone time” Dennis and I have had with each other for fourteen years. I know being a parent is really hard, and we are so totally spoiled without them, and I do count that as a blessing. I’m sure I will miss the freedom I have now if I ever lose it, so I do try to appreciate it while it is mine.
That said, I’m dreaming of what 2013 will bring. While I’m hoping and praying that it includes a child, something that I do have control over is my diet and I’m getting that back under control. No more, “This baby stuff is so harrrrrrd, whiney whine whine whine,” while shoveling in chips and sour cream dips, and squirting pastry bags full of leftover icing in my mouth. OK, so I don’t really whine like that, and don’t really squirt pastry bags full of icing into my mouth (though I have been known to do so in the past), but you get the idea. I’m not going to milk the baby stress excuse to eat whatever I want in huge quantities. Not any more. I’m ready to “give birth” to the food baby I’ve created from overeating. Especially since he’s decided to take up precious pants space and I really don’t want to buy bigger pants (I’ve already done that too many times). Food baby be gone!
That is all I have to say (finally, right?), so get ready for it. The epic ending to my blog:
Still makes me laugh. Check out the blog Den’s cartoon is featured in here if you missed it last January. Peace to you all, may 2013 bring you much happiness.
Love, Veronica
P.S. I posted a Tropical Traditions Coconut Oil giveaway later than usual yesterday so if you missed it and want to enter to win, click here to check it out!
Veronica's Cornucopia 
Veronica, this was a really heartfelt and sincere post. I think you have such a positive outlook on the whole thing, and I hope your dreams come true in 2013.
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Thank you Jorie.
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Veronica, what a nice post thanks for sharing your feelings honestly. It sounds like you have a such a positive outlook on a difficult situation and that is awesome! Best wishes to you and food baby be gone!
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I do keep a positive outlook most of the time, and it helps so much. Thank you, I’m ready to watch this fat baby melt away! haha
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Best wishes to you, Veronica!
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Thank you.
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just prayed for you guys!!
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Thank you SO so much. That’s what we need more than anything. I don’t know how people battle infertility without God to help them through it.
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Wonderful post and I love the memory jar. I was thinking of doing that as well with my kids to open and read through on NYE 2013. :)
Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
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You’d be surprised how much fun it is to go through and remember the past year through your paper memories. I’d definitely recommend it!
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adopting can be great. I am sure either genetically yours or not it will be great when it happens. I can tell you that to me it is raising my child which makes me feel like a mother much more than having given birth to her. actually the pregnancy was kind of boring and sort of unreal (a baby in my tummy, serious???) and I got the true motherly feeling only when the baby was in this world. but be prepared to surprises: I know so many couples who finally got pregnant right after or during the process of adoption. I have no idea of what is the biology behind this but sure thing deciding to adopt for some reason increases fertility. anyway. you are loved by so many people and you really bring a ray of light in so many lives. wish you an amazing 2013.
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Indeed, I have friends who had taken the foster program education classes and were getting ready to adopt when they found out they were pregnant. Funny how that works. And I agree, I think it really doesn’t matter if the baby is our biologically, we will love it the same, but for some reason it’s so hard to give up on having one of our own. For me, the pregnancy has always been something I’ve wanted to experience. It’s the most miraculous thing the human body can do, and I don’t want to be robbed of the experience-lol. But that’s just a blip on the map of parenting and when it comes down to it, what really matters is the child.
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yes, it is an amazing thing and I wish for you to get to experience it. also to realize that really mothering the child is even more amazing. you have no idea of the joy but also selflessness involved in good mothering. many women can give birth but only a few can be good mothers and raise happy, generous and self-assured kids. if we had more mothers like that this world would be a better place. I believe you would be one of those few, so please don’t miss the chance because of “technical” issues. the baby is of the one who takes care of him/her. wish I was younger to adopt myself. I am pretty sure I am done with pregnancy :)
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I always told Hannah that my muffin top was harboring twins – and after I’d eat out with her, I’d pat my tummy and say “the twins are full!”
But I laughed out loud at this: “give birth” to the food baby I’ve created from overeating!
We can do this!
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LOL, love you Biz!
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I love that you are able to keep smiling and making US laugh with your post, even though I imagine it is terribly painful. You have a great attitude and you are an inspiration, HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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It can be awful but thankfully, the worst parts don’t last long, not for me. I have someone way bigger than myself to lean on! Thank the Lord for his comfort.
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Hugs…. Praying for you Veronica!
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Thank you so much. And for the email as well, it means so much.
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Very well written post. I love the idea of the memento jar. As a public educator, I know that there are lots of kiddos that need a caring, good home. My mother did therapeutic foster car for a while. I really see what a difference a stable family can make in children’s’ lives. You two are too good not to help some child somewhere grow up!
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That means so much to me and really makes me think more about giving up on my dream of a child of our own to take on one that needs a good home. I know we would be such a blessing for that child. Thank you for your perspective.
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That memory jar is a wonderful idea. So sorry about the fertility issues. Been there myself years ago but with a different outcome eventually. I think you two would be awesome parents! Parenting can take place in many different ways – wishing you all the best as you seek out how its going to happen in your life.
Good luck losing that fat baby! LOL – laughter is good medicine. :)
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Indeed it is, and thank you for the empathy. :)
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What a beautiful, touching post…. I truly wish you all the answers to your dreams in 2013, my fingers are crossed and I’ve a little prayer going up for you too!! That being said, I’m envious of all the movies you saw! :)
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Thank you, Kim, and I don’t have much so I guess I’m thankful I have something that others can be envious of. LOL!
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Thanks for the great post Veronica. You always inspire me with your positive outlook and real deal honesty. Wishing you a blessed 2013!
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Thank you Gloria!
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You have a positive outlook! =) thats awesome!
I also live in Wichita, and I recognized some of your items from your Memory Jar,..I remember when The Pioneer Woman came to Wichita. =) and Ive been to the Eisenhower Museum in Abilene, KS.
I have a Scrapbook “in progress”..with different pages started..but I think the Memory Jar is a great idea, ..so that you dont lose all of the ticket stubs, and memories in the process of saving them.
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How crazy we’re both from Wichita. V cool! My hubs is from Abilene so we took a vaca there this year for me to go to all his old haunts. It was a blast!
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happy new year hun and that was a very reflective, honest post.
you have a very positive attitude and i hope that you are blessed with a baby in 2013 :)
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Happy new year Cakewhiz! TY.
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I did not know that you were facing this. I will be praying for you and your husband. I hope 2013 is an amazing year for you!
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Thank you Erin. :)
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What a deep and meaningful post, V! I always feel like things happen for a reason and if all else fails, I hope I can be “fostered.” I promise I’d be a most excellent candidate if you promise to feed me cookies. Jokes aside, I hope you and yours in my thoughts and prayers. lovelovelove
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Me too, and I feel God is leading me toward the path I didn’t want to follow. But I know in my heart I should do it. And while I would spoil you rotten with treats, I was hoping for a younger child-lol. Thank you for the love. <3
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I know it’s been a tough year for you, I hope this next year is full of good things! The food baby was funny girl!! I was rolling!
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Thanks Suzie, this dang baby weighs 40 pounds! It’s going to be a long and hard labor.
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What an honest post. Sorry to hear of your baby bearing issues. I know every story is different, but a little glimmer of hope, my SIL and her husband tried for about just as many years. They adopted a 5 year old boy and sometime not long after that she got pregnant (without even really “trying”) and they now have an 11 yo boy an almost 4 year old girl. They have no idea why it took so long, never tried IVF or anything, it just happened. Sounds like you have your mindset just right. Enjoy what you have and where you are at right now.
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That seems to be how it goes. It almost seems like God is waiting to see if you are going to put your faith in Him and let Him do things in His time, or if you’re going to rush and do it your own way, and once you go for the adoption, something He shows us the perfect example of since we are his adopted children, he gives what we’ve been wanting all along, a child of our own. Something for us to consider.
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You are so sincere and seem to keep a bright outlook. I know it’s so hard to want something, especially knowing that you’d make great parents and there are so many people out there who don’t even have to try (or don’t want a baby) that get pregnant. Sometimes it’s hard to make sense of it all. I believe good things happen to good people and what’s best for you will come along.
Another adoption story: My old neighbors tried for years to have a baby, they both even had bariatric surgery to lose weight to help. No luck, they decided to adopt a Chinese baby, once that was approved they ended up getting pregnant with twins which were born two months after they got their daughter (who was 1 years old). They were great people and used to say, be careful of what you ask for!
Whatever the future holds for you, it will be the best.
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Veronica, I’m praying for you. You just never know what is around the corner. God has things planned for our lives that we sometimes can’t imagine but they’re always good. I’m a mother-baby nurse in “real life” and I’ve heard more miracle stories than you can ever imagine. You seem to have such a healthy, sweet relationship with your husband, that’s worth more than a pot of gold at the end of the rainbowl ………… :) I’ll keep praying!
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Ah girl I’m so sorry and I can’t even imagine how difficult this is for you. You have so much love and faith though that I can’t help but think that adoption is a great option. Keep trying in the meantime though…you never know! (PS – I was an IVF baby and then my mom went on to have two more kids without IVF…so who knows what can happen)
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I love your memory jar idea… I may borrow that for 2013 :) Girl I didn’t even know you were struggling with conceiving!! I’m so sorry to hear that. PJ and I are starting to be ready, I’m off birth control now, and I’m kinda hoping we have one soon. I really dread the possibility of not being able to conceive though, as PJ had testicular cancer and I too have had problems in the past, and being on birth control all those years probably doesn’t help. But hopefully God will bless us both with beautiful babies in the near future! I love that you are open to adoption or fostering if you can’t conceive, we are too. I would love to have my own baby of course. But we MUST have children so if not naturally then we definitely want to adopt or foster and provide a loving home to a child who needs it. One way or another, we will get what we want and expand our family. I pray the same for you and Dennis!!
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