I just got an email from Joy Bauer with the subject line, “12 Ways to Avoid Holiday Weight Gain.”
Say whaaaaat? Weren’t the holidays invented to give me an excuse to gain weight? If not, I guess I’ve been doing it wrong all these years. But it’s so much more fun my way!
(tips snagged from an email)
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas Spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s almost Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free.
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10 lb. plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind,you’re never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all costs. I mean, have some standards. (The one exception: Friendship Fruit Cake. If you receive one, hide it from the family and eat it quickly before they have a chance to impinge on your fruit cake joy.)
10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Now that’s the holiday spirit I’m talkin’ bout!
Veronica's Cornucopia 
HAHA love that Louie quote. These tips are great!
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These are great! I don’t think I can allow myself to follow them except the eggnog rule! I have an eggnog party to attend this weekend and I will drink all I can! Thanks for the permission.
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LOL, you’re welcome!
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These are perfect! May I link this post up at my blog to share sometime in Dec? I love it!!
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Well of course! :)
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Make a volcano out of mashed potatoes…lol!! That’s great! I like your changes in number 9, you clever girl ;) That last photo is great! Love all the tips V, and I’m sure to follow them :)
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Up until I made that fruitcake I totally agreed with fruitcake being evil. Now it’s the wondermousness so I couldn’t diss it completely. :)
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hahaha this is great! i especially like #5. :) i am way too frugal.
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I know, right? May as well put it to good use and eat up all that good food. :)
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I follow them every year! Thanks for the smile!
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You are my official holiday hero :)
Cheers
Choc Chip Uru
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I love it V!! Especially the picture of Louis C.K.!!
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LOL, I had that one on my facebook page from Thanksgiving (totally everyone’s thanksgiving philosophy, right?) and I thought it fit perfect here so I had to use it.
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That was hilarious, especially that last photo, I literally laughed out loud. :)
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I know, I luvs that one. :)
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Hahaha….LOVE IT!!!
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Thanks for seeing it for the joke it is. :)
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I do all this already the rest of the year :) and I bet you will be eating green beans and lean meat the whole period. skinny diva!
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Well I got a six month head start and am 40 pounds heavier now than in that pic up there from 2 years ago. Oops!
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LOL! You made my night with these. Had to read them out loud to my husband. He said…”yep, that’s my philosophy too.” Well, there ya go. Guess he knows what he’s doin’!
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Smart man!
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These sound like my kinda tips!! I could so work with these lol. Am I allowed to eat/drink the gravy alone??? I say yes.
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No, you fail, Desi. You must accompany them with something, as the guidelines state “gravy doesn’t stand alone.” Mashed potatoes made with real milk, remember? Turkey, whatever. Slather it on. :)
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WOW, that is one beautiful cake! you have a gift
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Thank you Kerry!
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I love these tips! They are so cute! Can I share on Pinterest and Facebook?
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Well of course! Thank you for sharing! :)
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=) Happy to! these are so cute!
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