I would like to thank my wife for letting me step in and blog a bit during her hiatus. Since Veronica wrote a generous tribute to me several weeks ago, I thought I would counter with my perspective on her for my first blog.
Veronica was born some time before now on the planet Terra. She is approximately 64 inches tall and is an average human for the most part.
Being a female, she has a potential lung capacity of 4,200 ml of air. I will not venture to state whether she uses her total lung capacity each time she breathes, for it is well known that the amount of oxygen that enters the body depends on how it is taken in.
But, upper chest or diaphragm breathing aside, let me say that she can sing like no one’s business.
Now, you may have thought Ip Man Sao of the Hunan Province in China had a good business selling pork rinds by the Yellow River, but let me tell you, his business doesn’t come close to my wife’s ability to sing.
Here is my rendition of what Ip Man looks like.
Ip Man Sao has a very interesting story. He was found as a baby in a basket on Sue Shing Mao’s front door step. She took the child in and raised him as if he was a third cousin on her great aunt’s side. His name means “some white kid that was left with me.” Though not Chinese himself, he was accepted by them.
When I was younger (maybe 9 or 7), I remember saying, “I’m never going to get married.” My mother heard this statement and said, “That’s what your uncle Robert said too.” (Note: if I found out when my uncle Robert got married then subtracted three years from the Mayan calendar and added 3.14159 (pi) I could get a rough estimate of the age I was when I uttered this statement.) But I was determined to make my decree stick.
I sometimes wonder if God had a hand in my shunning of marriage so early in life. I didn’t chase women or date (the few times I did was a disaster). In a way was ‘innocent” when I met Veronica. I didn’t have a whole lot of emotional baggage from previous relationships or preconceived ideas about how things should work. So when I started dating her I could just “be” with her.
Veronica is great in all the ways I’m not. She really does complete me. She has a heart for other people and cares about what they think and remembers their birthdays, whereas I am barely aware of the other human life forms around me. Veronica understands the importance of family and reaching out to others. She’s a perfectionist (she’s done a whole blog about this here on our different views on her “it has to be perfect” versus my “Meh, it’s not completely lopsided or falling down – good enough,” so I won’t go into that here), which balances my tolerance for imperfection.
I like the way she sees me. She has often said that I could have ended up with anybody and would have had a good relationship, but I know that she really is the only one for me.
I shot this video of Veronica singing while cleaning the bathroom yesterday. This highlights her singing abilities, though I don’t like editing videos so I included the whole thing and she doesn’t really start singing until about a minute in.
• A technical note: The bathroom was chosen as the ideal environment for the recording because it has an aspect ratio of reverberation of 9:1. The recommended way to listen to this recording is to cup your left hand behind your right ear and stick your right index finger up your left nostril. This will bring the beautiful acoustics of our bathroom to you in vivid aural majesty.
Possible future blogs from Dennis Miller:
- Boiled Salted Water
- Famous Russian Squid Jugglers
- Things I found in my shoe
- Warp Tour of Martial Arts
- EPIC BLOG OF LEGEND!!!!
Hi Dennis :)
Wow, Veronica, I had know idea, you are incredibly talented!
Yaaaayy! Hi Dennis. I’m so glad we get your perspective on Veronica. I can’t watch the video at the moment (being, ehem, at work), but I’ll be sure to stick a finger up my nostril when I do, for an optimal audio experience. =)
Looking forward to the boiling salted water blog.. The complexity of the subject and it’s many uses is absolutly mind boggling! Not to mention the ethical questions such as; should one add salt back to fresh water (distilled by the forces of nature) or the more environmentally sound, take it directly from the sea. Other conundrums will abound as well, Salton Sea water vs Great salt lake water… iodised vs natural… sigh… I know the author will go on and on.
OMgoats, Dewey, you and Dennis are on the same wavelength! You would not believe the blog he’s writing about this (and yes, he really is writing it) and how close you’ve come to the feel of it! hahaha!
I luv Dennis first blog Yea!!!!!! and he’s so right your voice is beautiful Thanks for sharing …. you two are so lucky to have each other … 2012 I hope will have nothing but Happiness More , Love Plenty , no problems the whole year … and keep Dennis on your Blogs all year helping out when you are tired heheheh
Love the story Dennis! And you’re very descriptive…lol! Great video too, she’s certainly talented :)
Yeah, WOW, I had NO idea! She sings like an Angel!! :) get you that girl in theater or something, asap, man!!
Looking forward to your strange and wonderful blog posts! May she not kill you upon her return, though. Lol
Gosh, I hope everyone can get your humor the way I do. You tried to kill me with this one!
That drawing of Ip Man is the bomb because:
1) You managed to give him ankles but didn’t bother with a neck
2) His right hand seems to be MIA. I’m guessing he lost it in a pork rind frying incident? lol
3) That “pork rind” he’s holding looks like a big turd. And he kinda does too! Bwah!
4) “You want pork rind?” LMBO!!!
And you look SO AWFUL when you’re being a freak on that video and I’m glad because you deserve it for your antics! hahahahaha! You looking terrible is my retribution for all the ways you purposely annoy me with stuff like that. ;)
Despite this being a very non-romantic blog on the whole, I appreciate your kind words. Love you so much, you crazy man.
Thanks to everyone for the compliments. The setting wasn’t ideal but it made me less nervous for him to record this on the fly so I probably did a better job, forgotten lyrics and all, than if he had asked me in advance and I’d gotten out a mic.
ROFL, thanks for sharing, Dennis!
Oh, here’s a photo of my manicure since you can’t see it in the video. I love it. :) http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/375527_10150545129761480_541706479_11106698_1464910592_n.jpg
No thank you, Ip Man, I’ll pass on the pork rind. Also, I found it difficult to stay in the recommended listening position through the whole video…
Best comment ever! hahahaha
Veronica—You are correct. Dennis has a great sense of humor!
Dennis—You are correct. Veronica CAN sing!!!!!!!
You two are a great couple.
Veronica—I will miss your writing this month but I look forward to reading Dennis’.
Aw, thank you! I look forward to returning. :)
Hi Dennis! Thank you! Now every time I see a bag of pork rinds I will remember this blog post! Ha Ha! The ” You want pork rind ” is comical!! Great post! As for Veronica, she needs to be on that talent show!! I am serious, she sounds awesome! I hope someone will see her talents on you tube, for possible stardom! She has an amazing voice!! I am looking forward to reading more of your posts! :)
Oh Cheryl, you are too kind but I seriously am not that talented. I have no delusions of grandeur, I can assure you! And I’m so glad you liked this, I am still pretty worried he’s not going to work out with my readers. I can’t tell if they get him or not. ha!
I love it all. I can’t wait to read the whole month. Great job, Dennis!! I really like your twisted way of seeing things. (meant as a compliment)
And I truly enjoyed hearing you sing, Veronica!!
I love that kind of music and sound just like you (when no one is around and I play the soundtrack even louder).
I would be singing all the time if I sounded like you.
You also look really good!!!
Thank you, Tree! I’m so glad you like the way Dennis’ mind works! I was nervous people wouldn’t get him. :)
What a sense of humour, Dennis…. It was brilliant reading the post… Look forward to more.
Laughed out loud a lot reading this! Fun change of pace and don’t be worried… I personally think that if people like you, they’ll like Dennis too! Plus he’s hilarious! What’s not to like? Speaking of liking things, your voice! Wow!
Well, people like my sister always think he’s being serious when he almost never is, so I guess I was worried you would just think he was weird for telling you about some random guy named Ip Man…who does’t exist, just in case you thought he did. My sister would have believed that part! haha Thank you, Becky. :)
There is a real Ip Man (or in U.S.A. we know him better as Yip Man) he was a Wing Chung teacher. Made famous in part by being teacher to Bruce Lee.
Yes, but no Ip Man Sao, except in your imagination.
I enjoyed your contribution Dennis! As I read I remembered those times, many Thanksgivings ago, when we would talk and while some of it was over my head, I always enjoyed it! Thanks for the laughs! (I also read this at work so I couldn’t see the picture or the video until I got home tonight!) Congrats on a successful first blog post!
I wouldn’t worry about your readers liking Dennis. What’s not to like! :)
His brain doesn’t work like a normal person’s, that’s why it was “over your head” lol! And I’m not so much worried about everyone liking him, but understanding him. ha!
I vote for Dennis to write a weekly blog even after you come back. Laughter is good for the soul!
I knew it! I told Dennis as soon as he started filling in, my readers would be like “who needs Veronica, let’s have Dennis instead!” LOL! I’m so glad you enjoyed, I’ll see what I can arrange.
Ha – love it – great first post Dennis! My favorite line: “I like the way she sees me.”
GORGEOUS voice Veronica!!
p.s. your comment made my day today – I appreciate you calling me thin, but I am still 164 – but have been working out a lot lately – my face and legs lose the weight first, now if it could just take my muffin top I’d be all set! :D
Yeah, apparently I see him a little better than he sees himself, and vice versa. :) Thank you for the compliment! Hey, you and me are about the same weight now–maybe we can lose weight together now!
A question I’d like to direct at Ip Man: 我可以有薯條嗎？
No french fries for you! haha
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