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I thought my boob was my baby

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People have asked if I’ve had any postpartum craziness.  Well, yes, but I don’t think it’s the usual kind.  I didn’t have any depression or blues, though I was more prone to tears the first couple weeks (especially with our little guy back in the hospital – that made me cry a lot!), and I didn’t get too crazy, but I did think my boob was my baby at one point. Yup.

For some reason almost every night for the first month, I would wake up thinking Joshua was in bed with us, and then I couldn’t find him and would wake Dennis up in my search for him.  He has slept in his crib from day one so I have no idea why this kept happening.  Sometimes I’d wake up thinking I was holding him and would be cradling my boob, thinking it was his head.  For reals.  Sometimes I’d wake up and stare at the back of Dennis’ head and stroke it, thinking he was Joshua.  (I think this is partially justified since they both have old man hair that gets totally crazy when they sleep on it.)  Sometimes I’d stroke his hand and wonder how our baby’s hands could have gotten so big, so fast.

I’m pretty sure this is kinda normal.  Normal for postpartum women, I mean.  It’s not normal to think your boob is a baby, but I think getting kinda crazy after a baby is normal.  My sister seriously believed she had two babies and someone had kidnapped the other one.  And she didn’t think this in a sleepy haze, this was a fully conscious conviction, despite having birthed and left the hospital with a single baby.  Dennis told me a man at the Boot Camp for New Dads told the men about his wife’s postpartum depression, and how one day she was convinced she had dropped her baby off at daycare and when she went to pick her up, they said she never did.  She had a full out meltdown yelling at them that they were trying to take her baby and when she finally got back home, she found her baby in her crib.  So yeah, those whacko hormones can really do a number on your head!

What about you?  Any crazy or scary postpartum stories to share?

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About Veronica

I have a kitchen addiction and love to collect & share recipes. My passion is baking but I love to cook as well. The only thing I don't like to do in the kitchen is wash dishes, but my husband generally does them for me in exchange for his dinner.

9 responses »

  1. thebetterbaker11

    Nope – can’t think of anything like that (it was a very long time ago and I am not the sharpest tack in the box these days=), but thank you for sharing your hilarious stories with us. Amazing how those ‘little’ things in our lives make such huge changes huh? You’re doing great! Joshua is so blessed to have you for a mommy, and it’s exciting to know about Dennis as a daddy too. Sleep when you get an opportunity. Sending hugs! XO

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  2. Sleep deprivation, worry, and hormone changes (any chemical changes to your body) will make you do wonky things even without having just had a baby! My husband tells me that I once jumped up in the middle of the night, screaming about the bugs in the bed. Then I just went back to sleep while the adrenaline rush caused by my screaming kept him up for hours. Our best guess as to why this happened? I was in the middle of a round of antibiotics.

    Kudos on a particularly eye-catching title today, by the way.

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  3. I nearly spit out my coffee at the idea of you cradling your boob thinking it was Joshua – love it!

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  4. You are so funny Veronica. Sleep deprivation probably played into your illusions also :) I was more crazy when I was pregnant than afterwards. Scott was happy to have, what he called “my normal stable wife” back again after I delivered the babies. I’m not so sure that I’ve ever been “normal” though :)

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  5. This is Dennis, I would comment but I’ve got to eat now instead.

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  6. Oh man I can only imagine the crazy things while pregnant and then postpartum. I mean…I already do crazy things so it’s going to be intense!

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  7. Hi Veronica. I obviously haven’t stopped by here for way, way too long, but I’m very happy to hear about your new baby, congratulations! I went back and read your 2012 note where you were still hoping for a baby, how poignant, I’m so glad that came true for you! I think it is so normal to want your baby nearby and to be nervous about his whereabouts and safety during the night. We ended up with a family bed to solve that problem so everyone could get a good night’s sleep and nursing could happen more easily. Obviously one could debate all the pros and cons of any parenting choice and I’m not here to do that. Just sending my hopes you’ve all settled into a good groove with the baby care, it’s a big adjustment for everyone!

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  8. You kill me! Thanks for the laugh, Hope you are still not being confused at night! LOL

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