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Thankful Thursdays #67: ding dong, the glasses are dead!

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Happy happy, joy joy!  I never thought the day would come when I would be thankful for the death and destruction of Den’s glasses.  I often threatened to burn them, to run over them, to toss them in the trash, but alas I couldn’t do that to my hubby, who was hopelessly devoted to them.  He was bound and determined, it seemed, to keep them for all eternity.  But blessedly, the day has finally come when they snapped under the pressure of being the ugliest, oldest pair of glasses on the planet.  I think the shame of their ugliness led them to commit suicide.

Dennis bought these glasses in 1985, people.  I was five years old when he bought them!!  Who keeps a pair of glasses that long?  They turned gangrenous the way cheap metal does, and there is some really horrid-looking stuff seemingly growing beneath the nose piece. BLARF.

I can’t believe I even touched these. *shudder*

I feel the urge to soak my hands in bleach just looking at this photo.

By the way, on a total random note, but sort of related since I’m thinking of my poor hand, check out the wicked manicure I did for St. Patrick’s Day:

ANYWAY.  Although this style of glasses actually came back into fashion recently (seriously, who keeps something so long that it goes in and out of fashion before you get rid of it???), they were never a good look for him.

To prove my point, I submit exhibit A, B & C:

Not. a. good. look.

In contrast, here is Dennis wearing the glasses that I helped him pick out:

Much better.

The old glasses have made me gag since the first time he put them on in front of me.  He doesn’t wear his glasses all the time (though he’s supposed to), only for driving, so the first time we went for a ride together, despite not knowing him very well, I laughed out loud.

“What us UP with your glasses?!  They make you look like a beefcake.”

Unbeknownst to me, beefcake actually refers to a hot semi-nude male, which Dennis took great delight in telling me.

Only momentarily flustered, I countered, “OK, well, it makes you the opposite of a beefcake, then.  Like a beefy jock, and not the beefcake kind, that is illiterate and maybe was dropped on his head as a kid…and uses steroids that makes him look fluffy instead of defined.  Those glasses totally take away your definition.  They are so. wrong.”

Yes, I was harsh, but need I remind you how bad his glasses were???

Dennis never had any great rebuttals to my tirades, which he was exposed to many times over the years as my hatred of the glasses grew, as did the many ways I plotted to destroy them if he refused to throw them away, but he always found them hilarious.  (Honestly, I would have stopped if it hurt his feelings, but I did it mostly for the satisfaction of making him laugh.)

My hatred for his beloved glasses became a running joke between us, to the point that when we witnessed the ear piece fall off when he tried to put them on before an errand, we both laughed uproariously.  Dennis asked if I was going to burn them the next time we went camping, a scenario I had vocally fantasized about on numerous occasions, but I told him no.  They had suffered enough.  They deserved to rest in peace.

Fare thee well, my tenacious gangrenous foes.  Enjoy your afterlife in the dump.

Amen and amen.

P.S. Can you tell what kind of recipe I’ll be sharing on Friday? :)

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About Veronica

I have a kitchen addiction and love to collect & share recipes. My passion is baking but I love to cook as well. The only thing I don't like to do in the kitchen is wash dishes, but my husband generally does them for me in exchange for his dinner.

22 responses »

  1. Dennis’ new glasses look great — yay for the demise of the old ones! Your nails are super cute too! :)

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  2. This post has me CRACKING UP! I love the speech bubbles you put on those pics of Dennis. And I agree on the necessity of bleaching after viewing you touching those things–ugh! The glasses you picked out are great, and Dennis looks super classy (in a kind of European way) in that picture with the cap and leather jacket. Nice.

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    • I pretty much forced him to buy that hat but now he loves it as much as me. It was on sale at Dillards for $13 (a Stetston!) and when he tried it on, I wouldn’t let him leave the store without buying. It’s what a good wife is for-helping her mind find some style! :)

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  3. Sooo laughing out loud at this story! From the beefcake comment to the pics with commentary bubbles to them in the trash can! And I agree ugly glasses, the ones you helped pic…much, much better!
    Reminds me of a story. Derek was about 15 and broke his glasses so John glued them with this ugly blob of some kind of glue it looked like…snot! He expected Derek to wear them to school and Derek and I were like “NO WAY!” they’re way ugly now. (And at 15 no way would he wear them and get teased). He went a few days w/o and then we got him new ones…lol!
    Love your nails too :)

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    • Yes, the man truly needs me. You wouldn’t believe some of the things I had to throw away that he wore before me met. Haha, Dennis threatened to tape his glasses instead of tossing him but I wouldn’t let him go there. LOL! I did have to tape them just for the pictures comparison, though. Would you believe I never took a picture of him in the glasses before they broke? I didn’t want to remember them! lol

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  4. I was not really that fond of the glasses, I just couldn’t see throwing them away while they still worked. And it was great to listen to you go on about how bad they were.

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  5. I can relate to this hilarious post. My hubby has a slew of dollar store reading glasses that he breaks routinely when he sits on them, but of course the one stalwarts are this hideously ugly white plastic pair that makes him look like a degenerate old granny. I think about throwing them out the window when I’m driving but then again, they seem indestructible.

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  6. Hilarious! Dennis is lucky to have a wife with such good taste to help him pick out cool glasses. Good thing since you will have to live the new glasses for the next 20+ years! LOL.

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  7. Woohoo!!! Guys and their STUFF. I have tried to get the BF to throuw out the T-shirts his greatparents bought him in high school (he left school almost twenty years ago). Or the pants with the giant holes at the bottom of the legs. Or the ugly sports shoes he does not even wear in public anymore because he himself is ashamed of them. His closet is bursting with (ugly!!!) stuff he does not wear anymore. Recently we have made a new rule: For every piece of clothing he buys, he has to throw something out. (I have got the same rule, and O owe less than half the amount of stuff.)

    It is the same with old pans, cups, metal bowls (rusty metal bowls!!), chairs, … “Honey, can we please throwm them out?” – “But we might NEED them one day!” – “For what? Demonstrating to our grandchildren we were so poor we had to keep chair ruins?” – “…”

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    • It’s true. My Dad still wears underwear until it’s hanging onto the elastic band by a thread. Dennis doesn’t even notice when his is doing the same thing but I don’t let him get away with it. As soon as I notice holes, into the rag sack it goes (after being laundered of course). However, I have to admit I’m guilty of saving things that would be better thrown away. Currently, that is the leftover Guiness beer and Bailey’s Irish cream that I bought for ONE recipe (we don’t drink). I can not bring myself to throw them out. I have boxes of papers I should toss but just CAN’T. Not yet.

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  8. You crack me up Veronica! Thanks for an early morning laugh! Such a cute post! Oh, and I LOVE your fingernails, so fun!!

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  9. Your nails are simply gorgeous :D
    Love love love them!
    And awesome fun post!

    Cheers
    Choc Chip Uru

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  10. He DOES look younger with the new ones. I’m surprised he doesn’t want to keep the glasses anyways, tucked in a drawer for remembering! Love the nails too!

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  11. I was laughing so hard when I read this! How the heck did you deal with these glasses for so long? (The things we do for love!) Loved the captioned photos. You are too funny!

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  12. I totally missed this post V – hilarious!!!

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  13. Pingback: Thankful Thursday #100: A Cookies Giveaway! « Veronica's Cornucopia

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